I am partway through the Taken King expansion now! I have comitted Regicide, explored the Dreadnaught, and even bribed Shaxx to make me a sword. And I have more thoughts about it!

The Bad
- Killing Oryx was… kind of anticlimactic tbh? I know the real death is in the raid, but it genuinely felt like just one more mission. There’s no real feeling of completion like there is in D2’s DLCs, at least partly because D1 is very sparse on cut scenes and character interactions. It feels like you kill Oryx and no-one gives a damn because there’s so few character moments to round it off. ‘Oh, killed a Hive god? Must be Tuesday.’

- The trend of not explaining anything continues. Several of TTK missions leading up to killing Oryx involve Eris shouting at us repeatedly that 'you must become ascendant to follow Oryx!’. No, she will not be explaining what it means to be Ascendant or why it is so important (I mean, I know because it’s been nearly 10 years and I have read the lore, but if I hadn’t it would be utterly baffling)

- There are these patrols you can randomly get where you pick up a mysterious signal. They have several steps and require you to do random things to progress them - the patrol text is (deliberately) glitched and resolves as you get closer. For example, I had one where one of the steps was to do an emote, another step was to kill hobgoblins etc.

I love this idea, do not get me wrong! I like the idea of picking up this random signal. But as far as I can tell, these patrols don’t lead anywhere. At the end, Ghost says 'At least we know what the message says, even if we don’t know who its from’.

AND THEN NEVER TELLS YOU WHAT THE MESSAGE SAYS.

I have to wonder if this was something that was meant to lead to content that got cut, or was a hook left that could be used for something in future. Possibly something to do with the Nine would have worked, given the random nature of the messages.

- *sob* Getting good armour is such a pain. And confusing.

- The jump down to the area with the first secret chest in VoG is horrendous especially since you can’t mantle. There’s no ledge to jump from opposie the entrance. (I have not run the whole D1 VoG, but you can break in by doing certain things without having to do the plates).

- Who the hell decided that the destination material for Mars, a planet which is predominantly a red-brown colour, should be a RED-BROWN ROCK?!


The Good
- One of the missions in the lead up to killing Oryx involves you having to stealth through Crota’s End raid area to steal a piece of his soul. The enemies have a red ring around them you need to avoid or you’ll be seen. It’s actually pretty cool! very atmospheric too, and nice to have a mission which isn’t about brute forcing your way through enemies. I think the stealth system would need some tweaking to make it genuinely fun for more than a one-off thing, but it was a nice change of pace!

- The Dreadnaught is a really awesome patrol area. It feels huge, there are lots of nooks and crannies to explore, hidden bridges you need Ghost to see, tunnels to crawl through. Plenty of secrets. Gloriously creepy. I am not even close to finishing exploring (at least partly because I keep getting lost - my sense of direction is garbage in games)

- There are different Vanguard Strike playlists available: Legacy, Taken King, and SIVA crisis. Vanguard strikes are different depending on where you are in the story!!! I did not know this going in.

There’s one strike I’ve done a few times on the Legacy playlist, where a Fallen Archon escapes from the Prison of Elders. I got it yesterday on the Taken King playlist. Starts out the same, then partway through you go into a cave system. Previously, those caves have involved fighting Vex. Went in last night and it’s full of Taken! That was a shock. And progressing, the rest of the strike is full of blights and when you reach the Archon fight, the Archon has been taken!

It was a really cool thing to experience, especially going in without knowing beforehand. Doing something I thought I was familiar with and having it change up on me was great.

Similarly, the Omnigul strike (the one the Disgraced strike in D2 is based off). The dialogue has changed up to kind of move the timeline and have it set after Oryx’s fall, and the first room, which has previously contained only Eliksni… now you get ambushed by Hive too!

I really love the idea of Vanguard strikes evolving with the storyline - it makes them feel more connected to the world state. I know we’ve had updates for Lake of Shadows and Arms Dealer in a similar way, but god i would love more!

- The vault is split into sections so you can see just your armour, just your weapons, just your other assorted junk, instead of one 600 space mess.

- I am getting so much practice using Golden Gun. In D2 I have used Blade Barrage almost exclusively, but since starting D1, where Blade Barrage does not exist, I’ve started using Deadshot in D2 as well and I’m having fun with it! I even got into a crucible match in D2 and got several golden gun kills which was nice!

- I’m more willing now to use supers in D2 instead of always saving them for the boss XD It is a space magic game and I should use the space magic more.


Other Thoughts

I cannot decide how I feel about the currencies+destination materials

On the one hand, I am constantly running out of glimmer. It’s much more scarce and hard to get and the amount you can carry is much much lower (25K I believe) and you need it for levelling up weapons and armour just to get the perks. Collecting destination materials is necessary and can be kind of a slog (also you need different Ghost Shells to get the trackers for different materials). I know getting the exotic swords later is gonna be painful because you need to get a material that has a low drop rate. Legendary Marks are random drops from doing activities too, and you need them to buy any legendary gear. You can hold 200 of them at a time, and some of the stuff costs 175 Marks.

On the other hand, it makes acquiring weapons and armour something a bit more special and valuable. In D2 I can just go to Banshee and buy whatever I want, and make that glimmer back in approximately ten seconds on any destination. I currently have max engrams with all the seasonal vendors, and a whole lot with the ritual vendors and I decode them just to junk whatever comes up a lot of the time. Destination materials… exist. And have no real use.

I feel like the ease of acquiring weapons in D2 means I don’t appreciate them. And I don’t branch out and try new weapons much. I junk the majority of the random drops I get without even bothering to look. In D1 I end up trying out pretty much any purple weapon that comes my way because I don’t have that many to choose from.

Needing to acquire destination materials means that I spend more time exploring and poking into places I wouldn’t normally bother to in D2. Will that side room on the dreadnaught have Hadium flakes for me? IDK, better check it out because I need them! So my rate of play feels more leisurely - wandering a patrol zone without any real purpose feels more rewarding, even when I’m returning to places like the Cosmodrome.

So yeah, conflicted about this. We’ll see how I feel later on when I have played many more hours of D1.

- Y'know, I would love it if they brought the Dreadnaught back as a destination, maybe for Episode Heresy (the Hive one) after Final Shape. But not the Dreadnaught as it is in D1 - the Dreadnaught after 10 years of being derelict, picked over by scavengers, fought over by different Hive factions, slowly rotting after the death of its master.

I think there’s a lot that could be done with it - new Hive cults forming in the depths? Taken monstrosities?
Some of the descriptions of areas on the Dreadnaught also talk about how Oryx kept specimens from conquered/destroyed species there, and tortured and experimented on them. Ghost at one point comments that there are things even the Hive fear and have yet to be able to weaponise. So… what else is still trapped on the Dreadnaught?

- Shaxx has a line when you bring him Oryx’s sword

Shaxx: That sword shard you carry… is that the dreaded Willbreaker, Sword of Oryx? I have not seen such a blade in many years, Guardians.’

I know it doubtless means 'hey, I was on the moon during the Great Disaster. I saw some shit’, but the way it’s phrased is so specific that it’s a great jumping off point for fic ideas XD

I picked up Destiny 1 in a sale recently despite being told a lot about its problems, and honestly I’m really enjoying playing it! I feel a bit like a time traveller visiting important places and events from the past.

I also have friends who played Destiny nearly from the beginning and it’s fun to go back and go ‘ooooh that’s what they were talking about!’.

I am also very aware that if I had started playing it without already being invested, I would be having considerably less fun. (Also, being fair, much of the fun is doubtless novelty after playing *mumbletymumble* hours of D2 over the past couple of years).

But it’s genuinely been really interesting from a design and narrative perspective going back to it and seeing where the story began and how things have changed and I wanted to ramble about it.

Full disclosure, I have played up through the first couple of missions of The Taken King. There are also things I can’t comment on such as Crucible (because getting enough players for a match has not happened yet), events (no longer happening) etc. Also haven’t managed to run a raid yet but hopefully will eventually!

 

I will start with the bad, to get it over with. A lot of stuff here will be well known and honestly it’s probably less interesting than the good/thinky stuff.

The Bad

• Oh boy I have maligned D2’s New Light introduction so badly since it is miles ahead of D1 just by merit of actually having one! D1 gives you the opening run through the Cosmodrome where they tell you what buttons to use and then refuses to explain anything ever again. (This very definitely ties into it being a game I enjoy now but would probably not have enjoyed if I wasn’t already invested)

 

• You don’t realise how many QoL improvements D2 has until you have to go to orbit and select a new destination every single time. Also no fast travel points. And no you cannot just look at a map of the place you’re traversing. Fashion is difficult too.

 

• Up until Taken King, I am not sure why they bothered hiring voice actors for anyone except Ghost, Elsie Bray, and maybe the Speaker. And I have no idea why they hired Bill Nighy for that part (I mean I do, it’s because they wanted to use Big Names for marketing but still…). The Vanguard could easily be replaced with cardboard cutouts because they are basically uninvolved in anything until Taken King begins. I know they aren’t involved in every seasonal plot now, but they do appear and develop.

 

• The story and writing is… well, it makes an attempt to exist. It does not succeed until The Taken King. I went in knowing what happens in the story and I’m still not actually sure what happens in the story because it is basically someone’s pre-first draft bullet points of a narrative. The only reason I knew I was starting different storylines is because the mission popup tells you which storyline it is.
  
  'I don’t have time to explain why I don’t have time to explain’ is a meme for a reason, but another bit which I think illustrates the point well is from House of Wolves. Petra tells you that Skolas has entered the Vault of Glass and this is bad so you need to stop him.
  
  It is never explained before then what the Vault of Glass is, what it does, why it would be bad for Skolas to be in there, or… anything. While D2 can be obtuse, and sometimes leaves important info in easily overlooked lore tabs (or in vaulted content), it at least tries to tell you what the story is. I feel like D1 actively resents that players do not read the bullet points and fill in everything the writers had in their heads.
  
  Another example is the Devil’s Lair strike. it’s the first one you take on in D1, and after doing it in D2, I was expecting backstory and build up. Nope, you just get sent in with nothing to really explain what is going on, who the House of Devils are, what a Servitor is…
  
  I know it had troubled development and the story got torn apart and remade very close to launch, and it really shows in the early stuff. It’s a series of missions that were made and then had to be strung together with the thinnest of threads.
  
  It gets better in Taken King, but at times is still not great. You first encounter the Taken on Phobos, I think Ghost asks about what they are. I was expecting more discussion about them and what they are and how horrifying it is. But nope, they just exist now and we’re all fine with that.

 

• So. Much. Grinding.
  
  The pinnacle grind was annoying in D2, the grind to just get your light up in D1 is so much worse. You will be doing bounties desperately to try to get your rep up with the various groups just so you can actually get fragments of story and quests. You will be grinding just to level up your subclass and it takes ages.

 

• The places you visit are very expansive - even the Cosmodrome is significantly larger - which is great when they’re used well, but a lot of the time they feel very empty, there to make you play for longer to get between areas than because there is anything to do.

 

The Good

• The game is gorgeous! I’m loving getting to see Venus and Mars and the Dreadnaught. They’re beautiful environments. Everything feels very expansive which can be very cool (as above, it can also be less good). When used well, it feels like there are so many mysteries and secrets hidden in this abandoned world. There are hidden bunkers and spaces, huge Vex structures and ruined cities, tunnels burrowed beneath the Cosmodrome and the Taken King’s dreadnaught. It’s genuinely fun to explore (up to a point).

 

• It does an excellent job of making you genuinely feel like it’s post-apocalyptic and the existence of humanity is precarious. And you, the Guardian, are brand new and everything is trying to kill you. You don’t have multiple gods stored in your vault in the form of guns! Everything feels more dangerous. For example, I think if D2 is your intro, you look back at the Great Disaster and the first Crota fireteam and go 'but how did that happen when I go onto the moon and take out ogres with a single punch? The biggest threat in the Abyss in Crota’s End is falling into a pit or getting hit by a pendulum!
  
  Yeah no I get it now. In D1 you are much less powerful and it makes swarming thralls and normal enemies much more of a threat. Things feel dangerous in a way that D2 rarely manages. I’ll talk about this a bit more in depth later.

 

• By making your supers and abilities less powerful, they have weirdly made them more useful. In D2 I usually save mine for bosses since it feels like a waste to use them on normal enemies. In D1, it makes absolute sense to use your abilities basically as soon as you have them. You should absolutely use your Golden Gun on a normal Hive Knight or Fallen Vandal!

 

• There’s some great atmospheric touches. I love hearing the snippets of distorted music when I’m near a Rasputin bunker. Going into some of the ruined buildings on Mars or Venus where it’s dark and suddenly seeing so many red Vex eyes staring back at you is chilling.

 

• The opening mission of Taken King is fantastic. Genuinely creepy and the Taken in general in D1 feel much scarier and threatening than in D2.

 

• All the different enemy factions are different colours and designs! I love that!

 

• Weapons still go brrrrr in a very pleasing way. And getting new gear feels genuinely satisfying in a way that it rarely does in D2. I junk 99% of the armour and guns I get in D2, in D1 I end up being much more considering of whether something is useful. Legendary weapons and armour feel precious!

 

• I keep picking up random Warmind weapons to turn into Banshee that I know lead to an exotic quest and I am enjoying the feeling of that being another Secret Thing I am discovering.

 

• Honestly, I really like Banshee’s weapon bounties - you get given a prototype weapon to test out and gather data by doing certain things (killing X number of a certain enemy etc.) and that gains you rep. And you can then order a legendary version of the weapon from him to be delivered the next Wednesday.

 

Thoughts/Observations

• Knowing that the 'original’ story was seemingly going to focus more on Rasputin, and an exo version of him getting stolen by the Hive makes the appearance of some of the Hive areas on the Moon make more sense. There’s some bits that are high tech in a way that feels very at-odds with what we see of the Dreadnaught and, other Hive locations which lean much more towards the organic and magical.

 

• Similarly, Rise of Iron feels a lot more hard sci-fi than much of what Destiny has become, and has such a huge Rasputin focus. I believe it was partially developed by an outside studio, so I do wonder if it was based, at least in part, on the 'original’ story of Destiny, and was either too far into development, or the other studio just never got the memo about the change in tone.

 

• Vaguely related to the above, but way more speculative, I wonder if Banshee was originally meant to be a Rasputin exo, then that story got shifted to Felwinter, but the seeds were used for the story of Banshee having been Clovis Bray.

 

• Honestly while it’s fun to think about, in general I find the obsession parts of the Destiny community have with 'the original story’ (of the 'maybe they’re finally going back to the original story!’ type where the unspoken idea is that this was the perfect undiluted pure story that was 100% planned and set in stone) to be fundamentally misunderstanding how creating stories work. I can guarantee that even if that first story had been used, after 10 years of multiple writers etc. it would still be in a very different place than where the people who came up with it initially thought it would go. It would have evolved and changed and shifted, even if it was following the same vague plan. That’s just what stories do.

 

• Oh wow, suddenly all the Nightmare Hunts in Shadowkeep make way more sense! I get it now!

 

• Actually I get a lot of references now XD

 

• Oh wow Shaxx sounds so depressed. I guess this was before he started therapy.

 

• So many identical caves…

 

Thoughts on Power Creep

D1 leans much more into the post-apocalyptic setting and it does an excellent job of making the existence of the Last City, humanity, and Guardians feel precarious. Everything seems more dangerous, more of a threat. You really are part of the last bastion of humanity. A lot of this is done through

First, you are much less powerful. Yes, you have supers and grenades, but they do much less damage (and are much less flashy) than in D1. There has been a huge amount of power creep! You won’t be one-shotting bosses, even normal Vanguard Strike bosses with golden gun easily.

Legendary weapons feel rare and special, and I am still using Blue weapons at times because sometimes I have to just to get the higher light level. I have reached level 40 and have only just got my first exotic armour pieces which I bought from Xur! They are FR0ST-EE5, an exotic I have never bothered with in D2, but in D1 the recharge for abilities when sprinting is genuinely handy. I don’t have any exotic weapons at all yet!

It leads to a very different playstyle - I play much more carefully because I cannot just charge in with something like Osteo Striga and wipe out a room with a few shots. In D2 we have killed multiple gods, taken down an Empire, and forged alliances. In D1, we’re just some random Guardian and the gameplay reflects this.

And I hate to say this, but I also kind of get the YouTube/Stream BNFs who complain about things not being hard enough. It’s just… they’re completely wrong about the reasons and the solutions.

They seem to think that what is needed is more enemies with higher health, and nerf Divinity because it makes it too easy, and everything should be designed to stop normal players being able to do it. And it… it doesn’t work? Ghosts of the Deep was fun, but holy fuck the health bars on the enemies make it feel grindy and dragged out. Legend Avalon was a slog because there’s Too Much - too many elements at the same time so it’s just overwhelming instead of fun. (Starcrossed on legend is tough, but feels more enjoyable and managable. I’m looking forward to doing it again instead of dreading it).

More difficulty isn’t what makes D1 feel harder, being weaker is what does this. I have no doubt that if I could put my D2 stuff against D1 enemies I would decimate them. But in D1 I am a lone Guardian with scavenged gear and yes, I have the Light and can be resurrected, and it gives me an edge vs normal humans, but not a crazy amount.

In D2 I have so many exotics and weapons that I can just throw them away. I can have intricately crafted builds to take on any enemies! I am basically one of the most powerful entities in the solar system.

And that’s not something you can really scale back. They did it with Red War at the start of D2. Maybe they could do it as a result of Final Shape and do smaller stories focused on Earth and recovery and what you even do after your purpose for fighting for so long is gone (and I think there is value in those stories! I would love it personally). But uh… I don’t think most people would actually be happy having everything nerfed on such a scale. Give up your 999,999 Celestial Nighthawk boss damage, for a Golden Gun that with a bit of luck might one-shot a yellowbar?

Give up a lot of creativity in terms of what you use and how you play, in exchange for a tougher game with way less choice for builds, but one that is potentially more atmospheric and in-keeping with the post-apocalypse and the dangers of the solar system?

I don’t have an answer for that! And it’s not even the most important thing. Gamer BNFs gonna always want to prove that they’re better than everyone at pressing buttons, and forget that the majority of players are casuals. But it’s been interesting playing a different type of difficulty, rather than the forced difficulty of insanely high HP and Too Many Things.

Power creep is a real issue in a lot of long-running media (just look at superhero movies, or many many monster of the week TV shows). You’re in a position of feeling like you need to one-up yourself every time. Every new villain has to be the biggest and baddest, and so you have to become more and more powerful to combat that, which means the next villain has to be even bigger and badder.

With Destiny we’ve gone from a scrappy underdog, to a god-killer.

I’m reminded of Osiris talking about Saint in The Sundial lore.

'I watched him grow from neophyte to demi-god’.

King of fitting for us to have done the same as Saint’s inspiration.

Oh yeah, it was bad news. I can't really talk a whole lot about it right now but oh boy, eventually I am gonna have some stories to tell. I still have a job but at what cost?

Thanks for the well-wishes <3

Also, crypto-bros need to go and jump into a live volcano and deserve to be publically ridiculed :)

I'm sorry, but if you are a 'loremaster' (read, YouTuber with an outsize influence on the fandom) and you put out a 15 minute theory video, in which the theory boils down to 'I think this (really obvious) symbolism may symbolise something :O', then you shouldn't be allowed to offer narrative critique, especially when from comments you have made, you did so with the expectation that the writers would listen to you.


Basically, the new Destiny DLC, Lightfall, came out (I may do a review or something if I get around to it), several of the BNFs (all dudes who make YouTube videos), didn't like it (and I have suspicions that at least some of that was because it didn't give them any easy answers to make videos about).

One of them put out a video about the new raid. In the raid there is this:


It is the symbol of the Witness (the big bad) wrapped around with roots created by the Traveller (the thing that gives the heros their powers). And it points at a large hole that was cut into the Traveller by the Witness, which has already been stated to be a wormhole.

So this guy's theory is that the giant and incredibly obvious thing that looks kind of like a key, is pointed at the incredibly obvious thing that looks like a keyhole, may be pointing at where we should go next?

YOU THINK?

Made especially annoying when the main mechanic of the raid is making Light and Darkness balls (the Light balls even look like the Traveller) point in the direction we should go. And he didn't even mention that this is what the mechanic is!

*drags hands down face*

And this is someone who played Lightfall and said that it was bad and 'left the story in a dangerous place' and I just... dude...

I have an issue with the BNF 'loremaster' concept in general. I feel like they have an outsize influence on the fandom. They state a lot of their theories and opinions as fact, and people also take their words as facts.

Example: This one stated in a video that Toland and Osiris were 'great friends'. I have searched for the evidence of this. I have scoured the lore. Nowhere does it have any reference to them being friends.

They almost definitely knew each other personally, and it is not incomprehensible that they were friends (I tend to think of Toland as Osiris's slightly obsessive ex - but that is vibes, not canon fact). But it is not a fact. It is your headcanon.

Meanwhile, there are people doing incredibly well thought out analysis of stuff like the Vex and music and what it tells us about them, but because it's not made by a BNF Youtuber (rather, being from the transformative side of the fandom), it doesn't get attention, doesn't get a million subscribers, etc.

It feels like a place where the concepts of Curative vs Transformative fandom apply - loremasters curate information (sometimes badly), and can also make careers out of it, and develop some real clout, while transformative works, for various reasons, some of them legal, are kind of hidden away. Not that I am expecting to get paid for fanfic - it is my hobby! But it is frustrating to have people offering critiques of a narrative (which have led to devs and writers getting harassed because some fans of the BNFs take their words as gospel!), when they often have a poor grasp of how stories function and are structured, and little interest or understanding of how characterisation works.

See the many videos of 'Ana/Eris/Drifter will betray us because Dark Future lorebook!' when they entire point of the story is that we avert that future.

I love a good dark future as much as the next person but it's not hard to tell that the point is we are going to make sure it doesn't happen.

1. What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?

Got diagnosed with ADHD and medicated for it!
Wrote and completed a multi-chapter fanfic!


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember what they were. Probably 'write' more and hoo boy, I have managed that one!


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! My sister had a baby!


4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope


5. What countries did you visit?
The UK. That's it. Pandemic still exists not that you would know it to look at the world.


6. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?
A different better government? A gallbladder removal. A holiday.

...a haircut.


7. What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 6th. Got my ADHD diagnosis!


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
...Got pretty damn good at playing Destiny 2.

Also wrote a stupid amount of fanfic. Feels good!


9. What was your biggest failure?
Still have not ebayed all the anime stuff I own that I no longer want to own. Still have not got a haircut.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD.

So I went to my GP to see if I could get them to take over prescribing my ADHD meds (they won't because they said I don't have it and the medication is not exactly what they would prescribe and apparently there is no evidence it works despite my quality of life being massively improved). They did agree to do blood test+ECG to make sure I am fine on the meds.

...so I apparently have:
- A rare genetic lung condition (which makes me more susceptible to bronchitis and pneaumonia, asthma etc. It does explain why my chest sizes up in the cold

- A cyst on my ovary that has been there for at least 4 months (going to see a gynecologist for it)

- Gallstones (I am getting my gallbladder removed in a couple of months)

- Possibly Lupus. No, really. I may actually have Lupus.

...I feel like I should be able to get a replacement body because I obviously got a faulty model.


11. What was the best thing you bought?
ADHD diagnosis and medication. It is expensive because I went private but oh my god! I am no longer exhausted literally all the time. I hadn't realised truly how bad it was until I forgot my nighttime medication and spent the next day being a zombie.

I started working from 9am back in 2017? I kept thinking I would adjust to the new sleep schedule, but I never did. So I just spent... 5 years? assuming that most people are constantly tired and find mornings impossible to function during. I was tired constantly, no matter how much sleep I got. I would go into my 9.30am meeting and be losing track of what I was saying mid-sentence and stumbling over words because I was so tired. I would frequently go for a nap over my lunchbreak, and have to fight falling asleep in the afternoon every day.

Turns out actually people with ADHD genuinely have a different circadian rhythm and other sleep problems. Take medication before bed now and am no longer chronically tired! My mother noticed the difference! I am so much more chatty now. I don't wake up already needing a nap. After my worst night's sleep now, I still feel more awake than my best day before medication.

And then there's the stimulants!

Part of my job is to write script metadata - scene recaps, titles, summaries, etc. Pre-medication, one 6 or 7-scene script would take me about... 4-6 hours over a couple of days?

Now a script takes me about an hour. And doesn't feel like pulling teeth.

Also apparently there are multiple hours after 5pm when I finish work in which I can do things. Instead of going 5pm (finish work), 7pm (oh shit, food), 11.30pm (Uh... It is nearly bedtime and I have no memory of doing anything for the past 6 hours). I can finish work, make dinner, do a bit of writing, play Destiny, and do internet things all in the same night! Absolutely life-changing!

And also I have published over 260,000 words of fanfic this year. This does not count the 50K+ story I am still working on and other unfinished things. Prior to this year, the most I have ever put out is 75K. The last few years it's been more like 30K. And it's been fun to write. I hadn't realised how much like pulling teeth writing has been for so long. And now it's joyful.

...also I bought a brand new fancy laptop and a mattress. It's weird being in a position to not have to just go for the cheapest thing available.


12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I have amazing friends who are super supportive and have helped me through a lot. I also appreciate Bungie doubling down and going 'actually abortion is a human right' and 'these characters in our FPS game are queer and important to the story in a way that means you cannot ignore them' despite gamer bro whinging. Small thing but it means a lot when Gaming is still so toxic.


13. Whose behaviour made you appalled?
Gamer Bros. God they're whiny.

The entire UK government, many of the opposition, politicians in general. What a fucking *farce*!. TERFs can piss off.


14. Where did most of your money go?
ADHD meds, new laptop, new mattress. All worthy purchases!


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The potential collapse of the Tory party (still keeping my fingers crossed).

...the current season of Destiny because it is amazing and has given me just about everything I wanted from one of my favourite characters.

16. What song will always remind you of 2022?


17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) Happier!
b) No clue.
c) Richer I think. Got a raise at my annual review.


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
For once, I do not need to put writing in this space XD I would have liked to do more reading. Still need to work on carving out that time.


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Visiting the doctor.


20. How did you spend Christmas?
Quietly at home with my parents. Played some Destiny with a friend.


21. Did you fall in love in 2022?
I got into a new fandom which is functionally the same thing for me.


22. What was your favourite TV program?
...I don't think I've watched anything except YouTube videos all year ^^;


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. I hate politicians always.


24. What was the best book you read?
Look...

I read a lot of scripts for work.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I mainly listen to individual songs so... I like Dark in Here by the Mountain Goats. Of Monsters and Men.


26. What did you want and get?
ADHD diagnosis!!!


27. What did you want and not get?
The NHS to pay for my ADHD medication. The collapse of the Tory party.


28. What was your favourite film of this year?
I should just delete these questions. I never have anything to say XD


29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
ADHD medication. Really.


30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?
Velvet lounge pants still. I got a nice velvet jacket which I love, and my teal velvet coat actually got worn!


31. What kept you sane?
ADHD meds quite literally. One of the things the NHS doctor told me when I went for the hellish appointment last year was 'you don't have ADHD. You're just anxious and need to relax' which is bullshit on so many levels.

Turns out... when I am medicated my anxiety is so much better. I don't doomscroll because I have brain enough to stop looking at things. Small things are no longer incredibly overwhelming. Time exists!


32. Favourite fictional character of the year?
Going to change this from 'Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?' because I am very asexual and uninterested.

Favourite fictional character: Osiris from Destiny 2! He's an arrogant middle-aged gay Warlock who was exiled from the Last City for heresy. He broke time and reality to bring his lover back to life. He is currently dealing with mortality and trauma after his Ghost died to save him and he was possessed by a billion year old Hive god of cunning.

He's excellent.


33. What political issue stirred you the most?
The massive corruption at every level of the Tory party.


34. Who did you miss?
Friends :( So many people I want to see and have not been able to.


35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022
Medication good. I am not fundamentally lazy, I have a messed up brain.


36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
...I am so bad at this, so here, just have Deep Stone Lullaby

So... turns out that ADHD medication+new fandom obsession is a hell of a combination.

I have written 37 Destiny fics so far this year. For comparison, I wrote 38 Red vs Blue fics over 4 years. And most of them were significantly shorter than stuff I'm writing now. Apparently I am a person who can now just casually throw out a 12K one-shot.

One of the Destiny fics is a 10-part 38K multi-parter. I've never finished a multi-part fic before. This year, on Dreamwidth, I have put out over 200K words of fic. The most I've ever put out in a year before is 75K.

For my Magnus Archives Big Bang fic this year, the wordcount was minimum 20K. I had the fic completed several weeks before the deadline by just... writing a little bit each week. Normally I've got to about 1 week before deadline and realised I need to bang out 15K in a panic.

I am actually enjoying writing again. I hadn't realised how much it's felt like pulling teeth for... for years now. And now it just feels fun and good and relatively easy.

I still feel a bit guilty I am not using my newfound power of 'having an attention span' to write original stuff to get published, but uh... I'm just gonna take some time and enjoy having fun writing.

Also I'm kind of angry that I could apparently have been doing this the whole fucking time but I didn't get diagnosed and on medication until I was 36. How much easier would my A-levels and university have been if I'd had goddam medication?!?!

It's me making my twice yearly attempt to use Dreamwidth for more than RP XD

The most recent storyline in Destiny, or well, some of the responses to it, got me angry and thinking about how terrible a lot of fandom (and fans more generally) are about understanding characters with trauma. And characters who don't make 100% objectively correct choices in general.

And to be honest, are bad at understanding when there is no 100% objectively correct choice.

This mainly rambling, not in-depth meta analysis, and I'm putting it under the cut for spoilers for Destiny up to this point, and the Magnus Archives.

Destiny especially requires a decent bit of background for which I apologise. It is a fucking nuts canon and I kind of love it.

( Thoughts and Grumpiness )

Apologies for the length, and that it is mostly rant. Just something I needed to get off my chest so hopefully I can stop making myself angry in my own head.

I finished Maquette. I'm kind of angry about it.

It is a very flawed game. A lot of the puzzles, especially at the start, are incredibly fun and inventive and make great use of the central conceit - you manipulate things in the maquette, and they change in the 'real' world. It means you can manipulate the sizes of things! Make them bigger or smaller and use them to solve various puzzles.

You can get an idea of it in the video:



It does some really cool stuff! There was a lot that I enjoyed. However as you progress, the puzzles become less intuitive and more frustrating for a few reasons.

( Spoilers Below )

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

Lived through a pandemic. Moderated Twitch streams! Did virtual conventions, including one as a representative of my company.




2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

*dead-eyed stare*

Nope. Didn't even get to have a massage.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope


4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully no.


5. What countries did you visit?

I went to Scotland back in February? But I've barely left my village.


6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?

A vaccine? I would like to actually finish getting my ADHD diagnosis. I got the first appointment but they have to do an in person one.


7. What dates from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 18th - I went to see Death to the Mechanisms! It was a great concert and I'm so glad I got to go.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I did not die or have a complete emotional breakdown considering pandemics are basically one of my worst fears.


9. What was your biggest failure?

I should have taken some more holiday back in July when I was close to burnout.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No! Thank god!


11. What was the best thing you bought?

PodUK tickets/travel. I bought my mum a scarf by Grayson Perry for Christmas and she loves it. Honestly, the Christmas stuff I was able to get for my parents and my sister. I finally have some money and they deserve to be spoiled a bit. I went a bit overboard but it was worth it.


12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My friends who have been amazingly supportive and good. All of the front line workers, from medical people, to teachers, to people working in supermarkets. Fuck, you all deserve a massive payrise and a holiday.


13. Whose behaviour made you appalled?

Fucking politicians. Dominic Cummings. I have gone past the point of 'don't wish harm on people' because fuck it, I want them to fucking *suffer* for the misery they've inflicted on people. Every prick who spreads anti-vaxx or covid conspiracies or who won't wear a fucking mask.

Also fucking fandom antis who have harassed and suicide baited real actual people because they must protect the poor fictional characters.

Oh, and the Hugo Awards bullshittery.


14. Where did most of your money go?

I put a chunk into a Help to Buy ISA. And I spent a bunch on Christmas.


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I was excited for the Mechanisms concert back in January! And for PodUK. I was also super excited for the start of The Magnus Archives Season 5. The fandom brought down Patreon XD


16. What song will always remind you of 2021?

The entirety of The Bifrost Incident by the Mechanisms.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) Sadder. I am tired. There is a good chance that at some point when things are over, I'm going to have an actual breakdown.

b) Fatter I think. But fuck it. Hell Year.

c) Richer! I got a pretty hefty raise at work, and surprisingly, staying at home and never going anywhere is pretty helpful for the finances.


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing. Reading.


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Panicking over whether I had Covid.


20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my parents. We did briefly visit my aunt and uncle, and even though we've all been extremely cautious (they're in their 70s/80s so they're not going anywhere beyond the supermarket) I wish we hadn't because I've spent the time since then paranoid as fuck.


21. Did you fall in love in 2021?

Nope.


22. What was your favourite TV program?

Star Trek: Discovery, Leverage, She-Ra. I have actually watched quite a few TV shows this year.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I am a boiling pit of hatred towards many people but I'm pretty sure I hated them all before I just hate them more this year.


24. What was the best book you read?

I read exactly 1 book. Thirteen Storeys by Jonathan Sims. It was great! I recommend it!


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Stupendium. He does songs about video games.


26. What did you want and get?

Well... I definitely got to have a year where I didn't do a lot of travelling to conventions. Thanks cursed monkey's paw.


27. What did you want and not get?

The complete destruction of the Tory Party and their ideals.


28. What was your favourite film of this year?

I watched Knives Out. That was cool!


29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

IDK chocolate mainly.


30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?

I got a great corset. But other than that I have basically spent the last 10 months in pyjamas.


31. What kept you sane?

Good friends to scream with. Although sanity is... somewhat tenuous.


32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jason Isaacs is a bit hot in Discovery.


33. What political issue stirred you the most?

...


34. Who did you miss?

Literally *everyone* I have not hugged anyone except my parents in *months*. I have not seen my sister in a year!


35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020.

Incompetence and malice are basically indistinguishable.



36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I really don't think there is one.

On Saturday I went to a concert in London! It was the last show of a band called The Mechanisms, who are a group of immortal steampunk space pirates who do storytelling cabaret.

And they were fucking awesome! They performed the Bifrost Incident, which is about... space Ragnarok! And some other songs from their albums. I cried a bit at the end when they recounted how they will die. Such fucking good music! I'm really glad I got to see them live before the end. So many people singing along. It was electric.

Jonny Sims does an amazing summoning of Yog Sothoth. Highly recommend.

And knowing they'd been nervous that no-one would come to the show, because they haven't done anything really in a couple of years, and then they sold out both the final show, and the *extra* final show they had to put on! I'm so glad we could give them a good send off.

Also I looked goddam cute! I am a queer space witch of the void!